Unrequited Love

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Before you build a castle in your heart for someone, be sure you have even a standing space in theirs. You know why? Please read along.

Building relationships, be they romantic or platonic, take time, effort, emotions and whatever else you know of from experience. And like your two palms during handwashing, both parties involved ought to invest equal amounts of interest, hardwork and whatever other virtue there is, with the goal of seeing to the success of the partnership or union. By right, everyone deserves to receive the exact same quantity and quality of whatever good they're selflessly giving out. Yes, it's a God-given right to enjoy the fruit of our labours. I do not for once think anyone born of a woman is so important that they just fold their hands and stay at the receiving end of affection, kindness and happifying gestures without putting in even an ounce of effort to reciprocate. That's an odour oozing out of selfishness that no deeply caring soul deserves to perceive. So how do you determine if the commitment is one-sided or mutual?

Some people feel smiles and a few kind/endearing words from the other party says it all, but do you know that a smile on the face doesn't necessarily mean a glow in the heart? Yes, it is no wonder a British statesman once said " The more I see of humans the more I love my dog! U can imagine that! This means a dog doesn't wag its tail at you when it has no affection for you! It has no time for pretense; it  doesn't wag it's tail to make you feel welcome while barking at you in it's heart.How sad an ordinary dog never leaves you wondering whether or not it feels good about your presence in it's space, but a whole human with all their intelligence, pedigree and what have you can camouflage their true feelings toward another just to achieve one selfish end or another with the innocent party totally unaware he is alone in the 'situationship'. So for me ,I think you should deliberately withhold some affection and whatever else you've been putting in all along and watch out for what steps the happy receiver would take to meet you in the middle ; stop chasing, so to speak, to see if they'll run back to you. If not, show some sense! Be strong enough to walk away with your self respect intact. It may hurt at the moment but you'll be fine sooner or later. You are not here on earth to be used as a mere tool by others to make their own lives more comfortable. No selfless person deserves the lifelong pain of unrequited affection.No sincerely loving human deserves to put in their best only to return home empty-handed and broken-hearted. It is demonic to do that to anyone.

Then too, I think you shouldn't keep things all rosy; deliberately offend them and watch their reaction. You know why? Well, this is it : How a person treats you when they're angry with you is how they truly feel about you. If the reaction is an outburst of harsh and biting words , icy cold, go-to-hell silence or even physical abuse then you know better; you know where you stand with this person; you know what value they place on you and your happiness . Yes, just as heat reveals the true quality of gold, provocation  opens up the inner person, it exposes the secret person of the heart. That way you know whether or not to invest more of your precious time  and emotions into it or to just count your losses and move on. Why? When and if you don't run these tests early enough,  you could just be alone in the relationship,  you could lose yourself trying to make this person happy, you could burn yourself out to keep them warm, you could worship the very ground they walk on. Then no machine, no yardstick, no scale on earth would be able to quantify the magnitude of the pains you would feel, how terribly your heart will break into a million pieces, how numb to suicidal proportions you would feel at the deafening, heart-wrenching and sickening realization that all your investments of time, care, feelings and whatever else you put in meant nothing to the other person, that you were alone in your efforts all along, that there was never a standing space let alone a room for you in the heart of someone who has a whole castle in yours.Trust me, I know this from experience. It was a taste of my own medicine and it was terribly bitter!

So dear reader, is there anyone in your life you are fooling, is there any innocently caring soul in your life you are selfishly leading on, is there someone somewhere who doesn't know they do not mean as much to you as they think they do? Then by all means put yourself in their shoes, find a way to let them know and set them free, do whatever it takes to make restitution. It could be a friend or any significant other. But whatever context it is, May love, not selfishness or pretence, rule in our lives...

Jochebed.